Working two jobs isn't exactly easy. I got 8 days running, and it doesn't look like a day off is in the cards. However, it won't be forever. I just started working weekends at Dunns on top of my child care job that keeps me busy 45 hours a week. But soon that will be ending and Ill be fully employeed at Dunn's and apprently making a decent wage and tips. training ends this week. yeay! so if your bored saturday night come and ask to sit in my section at Dunn's in the market and you can havea beer, or eat.

In other news, um.. too busy for other news. My sister is having her babies probably next week. I have no idea when I'll be able to visit her. I'm having relationship issues and I need a new computer desperately. hmm... thats pretty much it. I have a new friend and I lost an old one because I chose to stop talking to him on account of him not being much of a friend. uh.. I'm glad I have some good friends tho :)

I feel bad for talking about this in general, but if I have to I suppose livejournal and the limited people who have access to my account makes this the best place to talk about it. I suppose I didn't think much of it until my boyfriend brought it up recently. He was refering to a conversation he had with his best friend some time back. His best friend has a 9 month old little girl. Anyway, he was saying that him and her had talked about how if they had kids they wouldnt be able to be leave thier child in childcare, that one of the parents or clsoe relative(ie grandparent) would have to be a primary caregiver. They were speaking hypothetically at thetime. Now this is slighty odd because I'm a nanny for a family who's parents both work fulltime. As a feminists... and a woman... and well an employee, I have no issue with this.
For one, two incomes is better than one, for 2 sometimes it's really hard to be around a child 12 hours a day with all the headache that raising a small child can create.. 3, theyre gonna be in school pretty much fulltime by 4 years of age anyway. 5, women have come along way and claiming the right work and have children is perfectly fine, at least in my head.. 6, I've been told by other mothers that a little away time from their children allows them to be more tolerant and captivated parents (less pereassure makes it easier to listen to your children, enjoy and care for them when they are with you) the list goes on and on.

anyway, the thing is my boyfriend said that eventually there must be a disconnect between the child and their parents. I don't think so. Any kids I've ever taken care of simply can't wait for mommy and daddy to come home and basically pushing me out the door. However tonight was slightly odd for me. I'm use to the baby I take care of to cry occasionally when I leave in the evening, or to get upset when I tell him I have to use the bathroom and leave him outside the door.. but tonight (I'm currently at work) I put the baby to bed but before, his parents were leaving and I asked them if they wanted to say goodbye before I did so and when they came to say goodbye to him, his mom tried to take him out of my hands as I tried to pass him, and he clung to me and started whining. Then I just passed him over and told him to say goodbye and he whined and reached for me while in his moms hands. It was kinda weird and not normal to me. But then I've heard of this happening occassionally.

So what do you think?Just normal thing that happens to any kid when they are arround someone a lot? I think so. I'm sure tomorrow he'll be begging for me to go home and mommy to come back. He did say Mum mum mum before he fell asleep as if he was asking where she was. I think he was just being difficult at the time because he wanted to do the opposite of what his mother wanted.

I like my job, wait hold that, I liked my job until this week. The baby is completely miserable and not sleeping and really hard to care for. So I can safely say that this month I'm not a big fan of my job. But I'm tired of ranting about that. I do it too much on facebook.

I will rant about how incredibly pissed off I am about the recordin I did nearly a month ago. I went to Carleton Place to record a song with this dude recommended to me by a friend. The guy seemed experienced enough after listening to his stuff online. The guy himself ate up a lot of my time making me re-listen to his stuff at the studio and tell me about how awesome he is. then berrated me for not being so great at playing my weird folk music to a click track. I said , "there are no drums on this song, so I don't care about the whole click track shit" I was looked down at... this is well after I told him that I prefer the quality of low-fi tape recordings over digital but digital was easier to find... anyway... blah blah. 3 weeks later he finally send me the song that he said would only take a day or two for him to get to me. And get this... the vocal track is completely out of line with the guitar track! WTF? how obnoxious! then i write him back a note and tada! hear no reply. I really am completely tired of dealing with other people on this whole music front. other people meaning, engineers. However, it looks like I will be getting the weekend waitressing job! hurray! so that means I'll eventually be able to afford my own recording equipment and then i only have to rely on myself to record my music. Fantastic.

On a happy music note, I will be jamming next thursday with my drummer :) Yeay! I have the bestest drummer for my music. I'm totally psyched. And I'm playing with the Kettle Black here in Ottawa on August 28th. Also totally psyched about that. Nick is an awesome artists and the Kettle Black has been one of my favorite acts since he played my Strings & Strokes show at Babylon some 3 years back. I'm totally psyched. For those of you who haven't heard, please look up the kettle black on myspace and listen to some awesome shit. He plays his music exactly as he does on the record and he's just one dude.

Oh and happy relationship note, I have the best boyfriend in the world. And he got me addicted to Fable 2.

Havent been in the greatest mood this week. Been wanting to record more. So, Im sapose to get an mp3 today... but I'm not so excited about it because its of an older song and I'm all excited about the new songs I've been writing and want to share those ones more as I think they're a lot better. However, one thing is for sure, there are a lot of inaccessable folk artists out there. I was on myspace yesterday listening to different ontario folk artists and wow... crap! lots of crap. I did however find two people who are worth mentioning... Dan Griffin and someone Charlotte Cornfield who's apparently playing the Ottawa Folk Fest this year in August. I'll have to check her out. Other than that... lots of artists writing songs no one can relate to and that aren't even catchy. lame lame. Ah well there are lots of good things happening in the psychadelic rock scene in Toronto so I've been enjoying some Optical Sounds bands. If you have time check out the Hoa Hoa's on myspace. Fun.

Then there's all the regular east coast bands. I missed Dog Day on the weekend here in Ottawa. I couldn't afford the 15 dollar cover unfortunately ... oh to be a starving artist... lalalala.

Dog Day and the Sleepless Nights are pretty much the only Halifax bands I like. If you haven't heard them, you should check them out. A personal fa vorite sleepless night song would be Alyson Got Robbed. I think theres a live video on youtube.. check it out.

I'm upset in a way cause every song I write, I actually like and I have this nagging feeling that the people who's opinion I actually care about... well they are gonna tell me that my songs are shit..

oh yeah, Sunday night I got to to Jess's regular gig at Irenes, that I never get to go to cause I always work so early on Mondays, and everyone knows how awful Mondays are. I try to get a good nights sleep to deal with it. Andru and I went with his brothers girlfriend who is super fun. It was a good night. We came back to my place for extra drinks around 2:30 and then Sophias boyfriend and roommate came over with rum. I was delighted when Andru insisted I play my new song. It's so amazing to have a boyfriend who's actually supportive of my music and not just the other way around. It's even more amazing that he actually likes my music. I'm in love.

oh and note to self: stop throwing ciggarrette buts in the neighbors drive-way.

Long weekends aren't nearly long enough. Three days makes me want four. At any rate, I am back at work on this kind of cold Tuesday. This weekend I went to a birthday party that was full of people who make 4 times what I make a year. It was sorta unfun being the only blue colared person in the room and I felt like I was blowing off snide comments about my work most of the night. I just avoided the "what do you do" question as much as possible, just so I could avoid the condescending reply I received when I told them I wiped bums for a living. Fantastic.

On a brighter note, Andru and I made a pact to not drink Monday-thrusday. Friday of course will be cut loose day. So I've got some new books to read, and I'm some new songs to write lyrics to.

On the recording front I think I've found a cheap solution to my problem of getting a digital recording.

I was on facebook and noticed this promotional picture of this chick I know. She's a recording artists I guess... whatever the hell that means now. But it was of her full of bruises, crouched in a fetal position on a bed.. um... I feel disturbed by photos like this. Um, first off... WHY?! the chick writes lovey, dovey pop songs from the album I've heard. Furthermore, I'm really getting sick of artists/photographers/whoever, using images of beaten women as "avant guard,glamourous, artistic" attention grabbing device. Maybe if your trying to raise awareness about violence against women.. but that's not the impression I got apon reading the captions under the photo. Infact, I have yet to understand what the photo was saying?! It doesn't appaear to be saying anything constructive so I've reserved my right to not like it. Art without context confuses me. Although I'm not sure if this can be considered art anyway... maybe just advertising?

So this morning I had to take care of Eric and Violet. Violet is a cute little girl I use to take care of until I told her parents I didnt want to work for them anymore... because they are fucking insane! Anyway, they called me yestserday and said their nanny had been sick for over a week and they needed me for two mornings and possibly next week depending. I decided I'd only do it if they pay me 10 bucks an hour cause its an extra headache and fucks up my whole day with eric. Anyway, it wasn't too bad, and I was surprised to see Violet walking (although not well) as two months ago at 16 months, she still hadn't accomplished the task.. which is actually kinda uncommon in girls. But I blame it on the fact that her mother carried her in a sling for the first year of her life. Its this hippie bullshit called something like "attachment condiitioning" ?? I forget.. but its crap. The poor little girl has no muscle tone and she's freaking 19 months old. BAH!

Anyway, last night I made a wicked vegetarian spaghetti sauce with yummy cannelli beans. I'm completely convinced I make the best pasta sauces. Threw it on some whole wheat linguini and made a side greek salad with a tangy dressing. I was really craving loads of veggies. Craving satisfied. Tonight I'm making salmon fish cakes and probably some sort of wilted sated salad on the side... if I'm feeling like i burned enough calories today, i might make some aioli.

Andru got me a copy of the first book in the clive barker series that spawned the hellraiser movies. I'm pretty stoked to get into the series. Apparently the first book is heavy into the cynabites (sp?) I dunno the spelling cause I haven't started the book yet. I'm currently reading the quitting smoking book and "Don't Sleep with Your Drummer" which is hilarious.

I haven't had a smoke today.. it's 12:21 but I got up early so thats nearly 7 hours without a ciggy. I'm pretty hapy with that. Looking forward to an extra 80 bucks tomorrow and sitting on my couch at home in 5 hours.

yesterday baby eric cried most of the day.. by the time I got home and took the dog out for a shit, I was exhausted and decided to run over my songs, write a couple new riffs and drink a bottle of cabernet sauv. I really wanted beer but I was too lazy to walk to the beer store and wine is a cheaper drunk for me anyway.

I got a book from my boss on how to quit smoking. It's a much more logical thought process to quitting cause it doesnt batter you with images of a immenent death by cancer. I mean, I'm gonna die of cancer, we're all gonna die of cancer I have accepted this, and pummelling myself with threats of lung cancer is not going to help me quit. It hasn't and it won't. Even my shrinking pocket book won't help. So lets see if self hypnosis via literature will help.

tonight I'm planning to catch a pint with Tracy and be in bed by 9. I'm exhausted. The dog kept jumping on me all night so I don't think I slept a solid hour all night. Then I had a horrible dream about being attacked by wolves, but then the wolves turned into crazy scarey babies with sharp teeth that attacked me. I woke up somewhat distrubed after throwing one of the half wolf/half babies at a wall... I've had better dreams...

So I decided to keep a journal again as part of spring cleaning my brain. I figure I might as well since my life is a lot more interesting than it was a year ago. I'm a nanny now .. well have been since last spring... which means I have a lot of witty and not so witty anectdotes about why people are so fucked up in their 20's based on how they were raised from birth to the age of 10.

I'm also writing songs. I started a solo project called "Hi, I'm Amy" which I've been saying I was gonna do since last spring and actually started it three weeks ago. I've already written an album, an EP and currently working on my second album entitled "Starving by the Sea" about a traumatic 3 months I spent in Halifax some five years ago. I'm recording in about a week with some dude named Kenyon who I've never met but has a very pleasant and articulate phone voice... seems to know what he's talking about too. Hey, I'm poor and he's recording me for free so I won't complain.

I got a new boyfriend. He's great. He's been staying with me a lot.. on account of a bad roommate situation but he;s moving in with his brother who conveniently lives next door and has a huge balcony that I can get drunk and smoke ciggarrettes on. He's hot and funny, and cooks. I can't ask for more than that! oh and he has a fulltime job which is a first for me in a boyfriend. He also listens to all the same music as I do and.. get this... he's not a musician. Can't sing, can't play and instrument and it's FANTASTIC! No longer am I forced to listen to mediocre songs written by wanna-be rock stars just to get laid. I can watch an entire movie without someone twanging pathetically in my ear, on their guitar. Its fabulous. Now the only person who plays guitar in my presence is me! Yeay!


Curren do list for making my life rock more than it already does:
1. get another child from another family to look after so I can make more money and be more stressed out.
2. convince dad to pay my hydro deposite
3. record EP and pass it to the awesome drummer and stand-up bassist
4. loose another 5-10 pounds
5. do not gain weight back
6. quit smoking (less likely to happen)

so i'm mad cause i cut my finger open while doing the dishes. :( it hurts and it looks really grose. this stupid glass just broke in my hand while i was cleaning it! stupid cheap glass!! argh... I suppose there is one upside... now I can get out of doing the dishes tonight. but the thing is I don;t actually mind doing dishes.. I hated doing it when i had roommates tho cause they would always leave their dishes in their room and they would get all crusty and disgusting... sooo nasty.. like no one ever thought of rinsing dishes until you were gonna do the load... the worst was a friend of mine who left an entire pot of spaghetti in his bedroom for a week.. when i found it, it had just been colonized by fuzzy green people... grose!

anyway, i dunno why i'm talking about icky dishes... I've been inside too long..

need outlet... to expresss.....extreme anger...

see the Ottawa buses have called a strike today. Virtually holding the entire population hostage in their homes or in traffic if they dare to adventure to work.....

I am throwing lots of sharp cacti at anyone who looks like an OCtranspo employee... well at least I want to be...

So, it's been a while since Ive posted. I always forget about my livejournal account since I joined facebook. Let's see whats new with me. Well I'm a Nanny now. I take care two 13 month old babies. Eric the little boy and Violet the little girl. I've moved in with a wonderful guy names Frank. We've been together since mid June I guess now. Wow! Time really flies. I'm not completely moved in yet. I still gotta get most of my kitchen moved and some furniture. Hey if you know anyone who wants a fouton let me know! I got one that I have no place for.

I dont have a lot of spare time lately.. but I spend it watching movies and sleeping cause the kids totally wear me out. I'm in bed by 8... I'm so lame.

I went to some good concerts this fall. I saw the Dandy Warhols in Montreal and I saw The Steve Howe Trio! So even tho I may never see Yes live, I can at least say I saw Steve Howe.

Every Friday I have free, I go to the Rainbow to watch Frank and my friends play but half the time I'm too exhuasted. Also, I've been sick with a really bad cold for about 5 weeks now.... which really blows.

I've seen a lot of good movies lately Those that I would recommend would be "The Party" , "Being There" and of horror movies I'd recommend "The Return of the Living Dead" because its so funny.

So my life has changed a lot in the last two months. It's kinda like flushing out all the bad. It's nice now actually. It's good to know who your friends really are cause sometimes it gets hard to tell. With all the lies I've endured over the last while its astonishing that I can believe anything anyone says anymore. I always thought that as I got older I'd have to deal with less bullshit from people... but that must be something your parents tell you so you don't swallow a bunch of pills in your teen years.

None the less I'm very happy. I have a wonderful boyfriend and I don't have to clean up after anyone, or spend money covering someone's lazy ass. It's refreshing actually. Everything seems refreshing lately. Even going back to visit Nova Scotia was in a strange way, refreshing. I wonder how long this feeling can last? I hope a long time.

A word to Jenny. You should really stop internet stalking me because it's silly. Stop leaving anonymous messages. It's just silly. If you want to talk to me, just talk to me.

Well, I feel pretty damn good today. Yesterday I played guitar for about 6 hours. I finished one entire song with lyrics, wrote a new song (which yet need lyrics) and almost finished the new Psychic Hotline song which I have so un-cleverly titled "Concrete". I've never been one for clever titles... or lyrics for that matter. But I'm fully proud of myself since I've been in a horrid writing slum for months. TOnight I have band practice and I can't wait to go over the new material. I'm very much in love with my Baritone Jaguar. It's so fun to play,and I believe its largely responsible for getting me out of my writing slum. The big strings make me happy. :) I should really buy a bass when I'm flush again.


Don't you just hate that damn "music is my boyfriend" song?! Fuck that song annoys the hell out of me. and now it's stuck in my head.. you can have it!

Hello! It was brought to my attention that this site was actually google-able!! It wasn't sapose to be. But apparently I fixed it!So yeay! people can't google this site anymore. All that comes up is my Edible Ottawa site! woohoo! Oh yeah and some article wrtitten in Up Front.

crawling your way out of a funk is actually pretty awful. I don't know if its just the winter thats got me feeling so blah or if its circumstance. One of these days I'm gonna wake up and smell the humus. mm i love humus. Anyway, I've been having all kinds of trouble creatively. It's like creating things suddenly became hard. but I've had this trouble before. It always passes but its annoying when I'm trying to write for the band and I just can't find my starting point. Once I get rolling its typically pretty easy to keep rolling. But it seems hard to get started lately. Maybe theres just a lack of suitable inspiration. I should go take the doggie for a walk.

It's been a while. Life has changed sooo much. So back in december I got laid off along with about 30 other employees.. don't you just love downsizing and restructuring? anyway, my job had been driving me to maddness the last 3 months so I wasn't horribly depressed about losing it. I'm just living off my severance pay until my EI kicks in. I've been looking for work, had an interview with the national archives, and got this possible sales job for an IT company. Nothing exciting yet. I'm contemplating a career change, I'm also finishing some paintings so I can get a show. I'm gonna attempt to get some paintings in at the Buzz restaurant. They like big pieces and you don't have to be really established to get in there. I've been daydreaming about being a painter. I certainly don't have the patience to do it for life, or the talent for that matter to sustain a career, but I thought it'd be a great way to make some extra cash while I'm unemployed. I sold a few paintings in the past. Apparently random strangers like my paintings...

It's Thursday night and I don't really wanna do anything. I jsut got back from band practice. I'm working on a new song and I gotta develop some vocals. This requires some form of intoxication. However, I've taken one of my alcohol breaks and thought I'd sort of balance it out with a little cheeb. Something I hadnt' done for years until two days ago. It was fun. I kinda missed it and didn't realize. Turns out, I've become a bit of a light-weight with the stuff. I'm told that happens. haha

I am fucking tired of being cold!!! and yes I know that it's winter but the outside is not my problem. I understand that it's going to be cold outside. No! I'm angry because its fucking cold in my office. Seriously, how many layers of clothing do I have to wear while I'm here? This is retarded. And for whatever reason, there is nothing they can do about it!??! unacceptable.

Furthermore, it's really f'n boring in here and I wish I was home and at least I could run on my treadmill and burn some calories.

So anyway, today I start over again with my quit smoking thing, but this time I'm armed with the nicotine inhaler!! So far it's only 9:43AM and I'm just really cranky that I have to be here and that the idiots that run this city are too retarded to plow the god damn sidewalks.

I hate winter. I wish I could hybernate.